Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
