I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need a beard to bite.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
