So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
