hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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