I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
