So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
