Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
