I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My breasts were aching with rage.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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