i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
