Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
