I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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