Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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