Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
