so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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