Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
