I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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