remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
