I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
