On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
