Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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