Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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