On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
