and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
