The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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