I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
