I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
