you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
