Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
