Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
