Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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