I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
