Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
