Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
