Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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