I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
