you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
