So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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