I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
