on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
