Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
