i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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