Duck Duck Cougar?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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