Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
