You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
