Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
