She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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