I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
