you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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