Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
