Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
