Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
