i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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