I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
They took my balls.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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