im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
