Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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