In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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