I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
