He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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