Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
