Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
