Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
