my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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