I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
