Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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