WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
