Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
