i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize