I just pynch a tree in the face
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
