Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
