God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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