shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
