I think I died a long time ago.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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