Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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