...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
