Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im about as happy as oj after his trial
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
