Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
