Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
