are you still at the devil's house?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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