I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
